So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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