'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i out mim tonsoeep
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
