i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
