Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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