he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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