Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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