Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
