So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
