Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
