Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
