I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
