It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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