Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
