there's paper in my vomit.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
