The maid of honor just puked.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
