My hand turned me down
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
