Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
