i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
