Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
