I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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