Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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