so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
