I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
