Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
