did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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