worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
