After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
