I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
