How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
