We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
