3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
