That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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