Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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