We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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