just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize