just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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