So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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