I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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