My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
