I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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