I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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