I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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