Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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