we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
