i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
