I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize