So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
