Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i have two assholes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
