so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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