Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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