dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize