Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
