mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
