so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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