nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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