I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
