Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
