You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
