the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
