Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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