elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
where are you?
Hypothermia
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
