ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
