Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
