i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize