Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
