What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
