i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize