Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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