i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
