girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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