Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
