I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
