My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
